I want to know how someone can say an "emotional affair" isn't really an affair, because there was no pyshical contact. In a 'normal' affair two people meet face to face to engage in physical intimacy.... an emotional affair there is no face to face meeting, however the two people are "meeting" to talk about physical intamicy. Emotional affairs involve all the lying and mistrust that physical affairs do. So i'm missing that an emotional affair isn't an affair.. ?????? This is probably the one time in someone's life that they say, "gee i wish he had just gone out and fucked some random girl at a bar..." emotional ties are much worse.... When you replace time, feelings, and intimacy with someone other than me it hurts our relationship.
I'm done being your personal doormat. I feel like if it's not her- it's someone else. It's always been like that. It someone- and then it moved to someone else and then someone else and now to her. There will be someone else. I'm sure you just changed your passwords or made new accounts or whatever so you could keep talking to her. She probably got fed a bunch of lies too-
How am I supposed to believe, "oh i only did it because I knew you were checking my mail." That is complete Bullshit. BEFORE you knew I was checking your mail you were telling her how you were only with me because of the kids etc and that you weren't in love with me. It's the same thing you told Marie not a month before too... and before that you told the same thing to another Jenn- only you completely denied we were in a relationship and were feeding her a line of Bullshit about how you were a single dad out here and were too busy and didnt care to ever date anyone out here.. and how you couldnt wait to see her again so you could have a beer and see what happened.... since you both knew what ended up happening the last time you had a beer together. I'm just fucking sick of it. I'm sick of not trusting you. I'm sick of being lied too. I'm sick of being walked all over. I'm sick of being played for an idiot. I'm sick of not standing up for myself. I'm sick of you having NO respect for me or your children.
Funny all this happens and then I find out I'm the reason Katie left? Funny- the whole time we were talking that is NOT the story I got from you.... from what I knew things were already done with. Give me a fucking break. I have more self worth than to interfer with someone else's relationship. If I had ANY IDEA you were feeding my a line of bullshit and she had no idea what was going on- I NEVER WOULD HAVE FRIGGEN TALKED TO YOU. give me a break. Do you think i am that desperate?????????????? fuck no. I was content being alone.
Everytime I "find" something- all you do is try and hide things better. If you have NOTHING to hide- why do you give a fuck? Why does it matter? Why are you hiding things then? You could ask/look at my things ANYTIME i have NOTHING to hide- I know where the line is that shouldn't be crossed- and I don't even think about walking close to that line. I have nothing to hide.... never have and never will.
So go ahead- and get mad. Say that I am the crazy one. I am the psycho because I was snooping in your email. I think I have justification for doing so. Remember Kim? The only reason I was going through your email/reading messages- I thought I was finally able to move on and forgive you for what had happened when you moved here-- so I thought I would be happy to find you were being honest about me to all of your 'female friends' whom you always seemed to email/IM in secret. (ie i would walk in and you'd close the IM)... but low and behold, much to my disbelief and dissapointment I found the opposite of what I was looking for. I found what I didn't want to find.
How am I supposed to ever trust you again?
Remember when I said, "once is a mistake, twice is a habit:"... i've given you a 2nd, 3rd and 4th time. I'm sure I've sent the message "go ahead use me as your doormat... do whatever you want... I have no self-worth and will let you walk over me for as long as you want"
I'm not a fucking idiot.
I'm sick of hearing lies. "Oh i'm going here to do this....." when in reality thats not at all what you went and did- but you come home and go on and on about what you did-- even though I know you're just bullshitting me and making it up because i know its not what you did/where you went.
You weren't kidding and 'getting back at me' for checking your email and you know it. Even if you were kidding- then why get all over my case about not confronting you about a problem???????? Anyways though- even if you were really kidding- the damage is done... it can't be taken back. It completely shattered every ounce of trust I had and had gained back towards you.
